we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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