My room smells like vodka and shame
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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