As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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