Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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