while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
