someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
