I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
