Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
