It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
