I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
