i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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