I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
