Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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