Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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