you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
