he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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