I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
