This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
