I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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