I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
