so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
