Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
