And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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