im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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