she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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