Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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