Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
