There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
