its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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