We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
