the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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