I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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