That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
