If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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