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i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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