yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
