You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had sex on a dog bed..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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