tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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