this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
