I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
