Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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