I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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