You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
