9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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