I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize