Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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