Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
