you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
