You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
