How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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