his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
