she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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