whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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