If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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