All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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