U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
