Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
