At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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