My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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