Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
