I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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