Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight

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(925): View more from California

i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on

Fav 8 4618 1053
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(503): View more from Oregon

bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

Fav 20 4731 998
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.

Fav 17 1010 4099
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(240): View more from Maryland

my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.

Fav 2 3636 1052
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(760): View more from California

I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore

Fav 7 942 1735
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(914): View more from New York

Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.

Fav 3 1877 704
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor

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