if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
