I heard we made out
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
