What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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