Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
