You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
