If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
