Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
