just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
