so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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